Are you the type of person who doesn’t let your partner know when something bugs you? Do you keep everything inside until it is bubbling away like a volcano? One day that volcano will erupt and you will find yourself fighting with your partner about the way they squeeze the toothpaste tube, rather than what’s really bothering you such as child discipline or not spending enough time together. If you don’t tend to a problem when it first comes up, it will eventually turn into a big problem. You need to nip problems in the bud and here are some ways to do that successfully:
- Talk about your problems in a positive manner. Try not to discuss them when you are boiling mad. You want to be calm and rational when trying to reach a solution.
- Be honest with your partner. If you don’t like the hours your partner works, tell them this. How can they know if you don’t tell them? People aren’t mind readers and no matter how well we know someone, they can’t read our minds and vice versa.
- Never put your partner down or make derogative comments about them, especially in front of the children or other people. Always show respect for their suggestions when discussing a problem. If you want to solve a problem successfully, both of you must take part in the decision making.
- If your partner has done something to really upset you, tell them, discuss it and then be willing to forgive them (unless you are in an abusive or unfaithful marriage, then you are likely to need professional help). If your partner forgot your birthday, express how much it upset you, listen to their explanation then move on. Its not worth the angst to keep rehashing it over and over again. We all make mistakes.
- If your partner tells you that you are the cause of a problem, be fair and listen. Just as you would expect them to listen to you. Don’t be defensive, accept that some things you do may not be helping your marriage. Discuss if it is possible for you to change or what you would be willing to do to rectify this problem. If you don’t feel comfortable with your partners suggestions, tell them.
Both of you must be willing to compromise if you are to nip your problems in the bud. There should be no one person making all the decisions. You must work together and catch your problems early to solve them in a positive way.