Once you have gotten to know your partner again, you can now start to work towards your common goals. Whether you do this early in your marriage or a long way along, this is an important project to carry out, and to continue doing it throughout your lives together.
Think about what brought you together as a couple. Did you have a lot in common? Or was it a case of opposites attract? In the heady days of new love and romance, there were things you talked about that you both agreed on, even if you were both very different people. Maybe you both wanted the same number of children. Or maybe you both went to the same church. If you can’t think of anything you had in common when you first started dating, think about your lives now, what do you have in common? Other than the children and neighborhood you live in, there must be some mutual ground for you to build on and share.
Common goals are something, as a partnership, can work towards. They aren’t things that will happen instantaneously. You need to write down your goals and go over them every few years. The goals may be big or small. Some may be personal ones for just you to work towards, but if you can choose a few projects that both you and your partner can work towards together, it can improve your marriage as you will both be aspiring to reach the same objective.
To identify your common goals you will need to sit down with your partner and discuss both your needs and desires and the dreams you want to achieve. Start by writing down what you want to accomplish and get your partner to do the same. Now swap lists. You may be surprised to find how many similarities there are on each others lists! You both may want to: retire by the sea, lose weight, go back to school, renovate the house, travel to Europe, get into politics, move to the west, become more spiritual, change jobs etc, etc. If you find you both have similar goals, now is the time to work out the steps to achieving these goals.
It can be heartwarming to know that you will have someone on your journey who wants the same things that you do and can be there to support and encourage you when things get tough. This is what marriage is all about and having common goals to work towards will enhance your relationship in a positive way.