Your partner has had an affair, or you have cheated on your spouse. Betrayal has occurred in your marriage. Can you recover from this? Do you want to? Will your marriage survive? If you want your marriage to go on, consider the following:
- Tell the truth. If you committed the affair answer all your spouses questions, no matter how painful or embarrassing. And from now on be open and honest about everything. Don’t hide anything from your partner as they will be more aware of suspicious behavior than before. If you were the one betrayed and you want to ask questions about the affair, be prepared for the answers. It will be very painful for you to hear these details but if you feel you must know before you can move on, then request the information.
- If you committed the betrayal you must sever all ties with the person you had the affair with. Change jobs if you have to, to avoid running into this person again. You can’t be just friends or colleagues if you want to save your marriage.
- You both need patience. Both you and your partner will need a great deal of patience to heal the hurt. It won’t happen overnight. It may take months or years to rebuild feelings of trust and security in the marriage.
- If you are the partner that was betrayed you will feel hurt, angry, bewildered many other emotions. You will need to work through these feelings if you want to save your marriage. Writing down your feelings can help as can talking with a close trusted friend.
- Forgiveness is necessary in your relationship if it is to recover. If you are the partner who was betrayed you need to forgive your partner and if you are the one who committed the infidelity, you need to be able to forgive yourself. To forgive means not bringing up the affair to use as ammunition against your spouse in every argument you have. Being able to forgive the action will free you to move on with your marriage.
- Learning to trust again is paramount in surviving betrayal. If you can get beyond the pain of betrayal you will be able to look deep into your relationship to see why trust was broken in the first place. Do you or your partner have unrealized expectations, unresolved arguments or other major issues weighing your marriage down? If you do, then you need to deal with them in an open and honest manner. To re-build trust, all issues from now on in your marriage must be dealt with in this way.
- Counseling sessions may be necessary for you and your partner to move on from the betrayal. You may have a trusted friend who could mediate for you or alternatively you may need to seek help from a professional.
If you want your marriage to recover, work together with your spouse to rebuild it again. With patience, trust and forgiveness you may be able to move the relationship to a deeper level than it was before the betrayal.