Is the person you married all those years ago now a stranger? Do you know your partners hopes and dreams? Are you able to have a conversation that isn’t about the kids or house matters? If not, and you want to keep your marriage alive, then it’s time you got to know your partner again.
Getting the conversation going again is the most important way to fix this problem. If you can’t talk to each other then you won’t find out anything about yourselves. But we all run busy lives and often finding time to talk to your spouse is difficult. You may need to schedule a meeting time into your diaries. Better yet, how about booking a date with each other? Having regular dates with your partner can rekindle the romance and give you much needed time alone. Remember a good conversation is where both parties are involved; it isn’t one person doing all the listening and the other doing all the talking.
Don’t know how to get the conversation going? Try these conversation starters:
- Ask your partner about their day. Make sure they share the highs and lows.
- Tell your partner about three things that made you happy in your day. What made them good moments? What was it that made you happy to experience them?
- Be prepared for some writing exercises on your date. Discuss some things that make you feel good such as watching the sun rise, going for an evening walk, having a massage, going to the movies with a friend. Now talk about how you can incorporate these things into your life. Things that make you feel good or increase your happiness are important to have on a regular basis.
- Write down some questions about yourself such as: What is my favorite movie, color, flower, sport etc. Do you prefer white or red wine? Do you believe in the afterlife? What was your dream career or are you living it? Think of as many things as you like then ask your partner the questions about yourself. Your partner will do the same. This will help you get to know more about each other and be prepared for some surprises!
- If, after trying these conversation starters, you find that one person is still doing all the talking, try this communication exercise: Sit facing each other in a room where there is only the two of you. Pick a topic that both of you know something about such as gardening. You are now going to talk about that subject for one minute and both of you must be included in the conversation. Choose someone to begin and start the stop watch. This isn’t as easy as it sounds because both people must be asking and answering questions about the topic, and you can’t stray from the topic. Once you have mastered one minute, try for five.
You and your partner will find that once you have started talking you’ll get to know each other again. Maybe falling in love all over again might happen!